A selection of attempts at humor and satire. Read at your own risk.

rec.humor.funny postings

Songs: Brother, Are You Still Online? | Writing Code Is Hard To Do | Yellow Pollen Dream | Losing My Election

Images: AYBABTU | New Lucent Logo | 20 inches | Lost Avengers Episode | Lethal Avengers

rec.humor.funny postings (some of my postings that were accepted by the moderator)
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The Origin of the Idiots
It's clear that since there are more and more idiots in the world,
there must be a large number of fucking idiots.

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In honor of Seymour Cray, please observe a nanosecond of silence.                                                   
Songs
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Brother, Are You Still Online?
by Steve Barr
(Based on "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" 
by Gorney, Harburg)

They used to tell me
I was building a dream.
And so I followed the mob
When there was cash to blow
Nerf guns to bear
I was always there
Right on the job.
They used to tell me
I was building a team
With stock and glory ahead.
Why should I be working offline
Just working for bread?

Once I built a dot com
I made it run
Got to IPO time.
Once I built a dot com
Now it's done
Brother, are you still online?

Once I built a rack all out of Suns
Bricks and clicks online.
Once I built a web farm, 
Now it's done.
Brother, are you still online?

Once in khaki pants
Gee we looked swell
Full of that supereasy funding.
Half a million bucks went faster than hell
And I wanted to keep spending!

Say don't you remember?
Our cool T-shirts.
Had one on all the time.
Why don't you remember?
That really hurts.
Say buddy, are you still online?

Once in khaki pants,
Ah, gee we looked swell
Full of even more easy funding!
Twenty million bucks went faster than hell
And I wanted to keep spending!

Oh, say don't you remember?
Those ads of mine.
They were on all the time.
Say, don't you remember?
Superbowl time.
Buddy, are you still online?

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Writing Code Is Hard To Do
by Steve Barr
(to the tune of "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do," by N.Sedaka/H.Greenfield)
down dooby doo down down, dot-comma comma
down dooby doo down down
writing code is hard to do

Don't leave your job at Tivoli
Don't you leave the code in misery
'Cause if you go then we'll be screwed
'Cause writing code is hard to do

Re-mem-ber when you got tight
At the beer bashes on Friday night
Think of all they put us through
And writing code is hard to do

They say that writing code is hard to do
Now I know I know that it's true
Don't say that this is the ABEND
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were nmake'ing up again

I beg of you
Don't say goodbye
Can't you give your job another try{ }?
Come on baby, don't start a new (company)
Since writing code is hard to do

They say fighting MS is hard to do
Now I know I know that it's true
Don't say that your job's at an end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were linking up again

I beg of you
Don't say goodbye
Can't you give it another try?
Come on baby, don't leave Big Blue
Since finding help is hard to do

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Yellow Pollen Dream
by Steve Barr 
(Based on Yellow Submarine, by Lennon/McCartney)

In the town like ears of corn 
Lived men below pine trees 
And they sang of their life 
In the land of pollen dreams 

All yellow just like the sun 
Till we washed our cars clean 
And we lived beneath the pines 
In our yellow pollen dream 

We all live in a yellow pollen dream, 
Yellow pollen dream, yellow pollen dream 
We all live in a yellow pollen dream, 
Yellow pollen dream, yellow pollen dream 

On the roads a Golden Horde
With blondes in yellow four-doors
And the pines begin to sway 

We all live in a yellow pollen dream, 
Yellow pollen dream, yellow pollen dream 
We all live in a yellow pollen dream, 
Yellow pollen dream, yellow pollen dream 

As we live a life of sneeze 
An amber beer is all we need  
Sky's not blue and sea's not green
In our yellow pollen dream.

We all live in a yellow pollen dream, 
Yellow pollen dream, yellow pollen dream 
We all live in a yellow pollen dream, 
Yellow pollen dream, yellow pollen dream 

We all live in a yellow pollen dream, 
Yellow pollen dream, yellow pollen dream 
We all live in a yellow pollen dream, 
Yellow pollen dream, yellow pollen dream 

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Losing My Election
by Steve Barr
(to the tune of R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion")

US is bigger
It's bigger than you
And I am V.P.
The lengths that I will go to
The concession Tuesday night
Oh no I've said too much
I took it back

That's me in the paper
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my election
Trying to catch up to you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't won enough
I thought that I heard Dick Cheney
I thought that I heard you won
I think I thought I ought to sigh

Every voter
Of every FL county I'm
Choosing litigation
Trying to get ahead of you
Like a hurt lost and blinded pol
Oh no they've punched two holes
It burns me up

Consider this
The turn of the century
Consider this
The count that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all my vote tallies
Come tumbling down
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you won
I think I thought I ought to sigh

Bet this is Nader's dream
We needed all the Greens
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Images

Satirical references to public figures and trademarks may occur. Made up names may accidentally, coincidentally coincide with real names.